I am tired and not very clever and I haven’t had coffee yet…
… so there is a definite lack of clever title happening in my brain right now. Apologies. I’ll try to circle back after caffeination but I make no promises. Also, I just lost a grape and I should probably find it before the cats do.
Bitter in the Mouth by Monique Truong (Random House)
I grabbed this one from the library because it was in a list of books featuring characters with synesthesia; Linda (Linh Do) is desperately trying to make her way in an already complicated world with word-taste synesthesia, that disrupts her focus and, at times, makes it impossible for her to have simple conversations due to the unwanted, unpleasant sensations some collections of sounds cause in her mouth. It was an interesting perspective for me to access because I’ve always enjoyed the extra sensations synesthesia has given me and found it fun to play with the scents, tastes, and sounds that evoke colors, patterns, and images in my mind and to experiment with what I can create using those sensations (except with one notable exception, an encounter with some taxidermy and texture transference to my mouth and throat).
That isn’t all Bitter in the Mouth is about, however, and I definitely found myself caught up in this narrative of unconventional adoption, immigration, southern culture, northern escape, and love that isn’t quite. In the particular rationality that comes with a certain neurodivergence, the practicality of “it makes sense,” trumping butterflies and epic romance, of dreams unrealized in a world where dreams have always given way to what’s expected and what’s always been done, and what’s “normal.” Where loneliness is endemic because it’s intentional and it’s safe and because it allows for control in a way that trusting someone else never can and that control is what keeps you sane in the face of an unpredictable world.
It probably sounds depressing but it’s not. It’s sad but it’s also comforting if you’ve ever felt the same way, knowing that it’s okay to make those choices, to build yourself a safe place, that there are people who understand and will respect those boundaries. Who won’t judge and will support you and leave an offer on your doorstep and be there when you call it in. That you don’t have to try to do everything and that you have the right to close the door when you need, or even want, to and there’s someone who will be there when you open it again.
Bitter in the Mouth: https://bookshop.org/a/56337/9780812981322
KinnPorche Vol. 3 by Daemi (Seven Seas)
I love so many things about this series but the thing I love the most is the big, tough mafia guys loosing their shit over their crushes. Every single one of these idiots is armed at all times and none of them should be trusted with anything lethal because not only can they not handle rejection, they can’t handle, “I’m busy, I’ll call you later.” It’s ridiculous and awful like the worst-best soap opera you have ever watched and I can’t look away. This particular volume has big PitBabe vibes and I blew through it in like, thirty-six hours and it only took that long because I had fencing and had to walk away.
But. But.
But why we always have to have the assault, hmmm?
Like, Kinn and Porsche have their weird kink stuff now and that’s between the two of them and I’m not here to judge, they seem to have worked it about but (redacted) and (redacted) in those side chapters? No. Absolutely not. Why? Women who write MLM seem to think this is a thing they need to put in, maybe to work out their own stuff, maybe to give men a taste of what it’s like to be a woman in the world but it. Is. Not. Always. Necessary and sexual assault. Does. Not. Need. To. Be. A. Plot. Point. In. Every. Danmei. The only one I’ve read that I can think of where there wasn’t an assault (newsflash, kids, sex that starts as a “no” is assault unless there has been serious discussion and there are safe words, etc - looking at you, incense burner dream; as is sex that starts as a yes and becomes a “no;” Kinn and Porsche’s first time? That was assault - not only did Porsche ask Kinn to stop, he was under the influence) is Zhen Hun and Zhao Yunlan still a little problematic in his stalker-y pursuit of Shen Wei (and yes, Shen Wei creeping on all of Zhao Yunlan’s lives is also kind of icky). A man doing it to another man? Still assault. Still rape.
When I read the summary for Vol. 4, I was even more skeezed out because we’re apparently getting (redacted) seeing the “softer” side of his fucking rapist which… just no. Absolutely not. It happens all the time in danmei but it’s not a thing. And before you throw Stockholm Syndrome at me, recent research suggests Stockholm Syndrome isn’t actually a psychological condition but actually a survival strategy or psychological response which means people only pretend to form a relationship with their captors so that they can survive long enough to escape.
There are plenty of other ways to get revenge on someone. Torture them. Shoot them. Chop them into pieces with a sword. Put a stake in a giant ant hill. Leave them for hungry chickens. Leave them for high tide. Strangle them with a guqin string. Reincarnate your friend into someone else’s body and leave him a trail that ends at your brother’s angry ghost. Marry the ghost king and let him kill them. Eat their heart. Trash compactor on a world-destroying space station. The possibilities are endless. Let’s quit it with this particular brand of evil, huh?
KinnPorche Vol. 3: https://bookshop.org/a/56337/9798891600799
Cosmic Love at the Multiverse Hair Salon by Annie Mare (Berkley, 6/1)
Cosmic Love at the Multiverse Hair Salon reminded me a little bit of Sliding Doors but was vastly superior because (1) No Gwyneth Paltrow (2) queer and (3) left the characters, ultimately, in charge of their own destinies. Because the world is big and weird and impossible and probable and fate and self-determination can co-exist, run parallel, and trip over one another if you give them the chance and open yourself up to opportunity.
We all have ideas of how our life should go. Sometimes, should and want intersect. Sometimes, they run parallel. Sometimes they can’t even see one another through the static. Tressa Fay and Meryl and their friends/found family, their efforts to find one another and keep one another no matter what the multiverse has in store for them, reminds us that if we hold on to the want, hold on to dream, hold on to impossible, and improbable, then the should doesn’t matter because it will become the will. Maybe not the way that we expected. Maybe not even in the way we want. But in the way we need? Absolutely and without fail. Because there are no mistakes; there might be missed opportunities and missed connections. There might be things we forget or ignore or don’t see. But if those things are important, if we need them, they’ll come back around again.
I really loved this one. It felt a little repetitive in a few places but I had an arc from several months ago so I’m assuming it had another editing pass or two before it went to print and was tightened up. Regardless, it was nice to get into something hopeful, especially now. Definitely recommend.
Cosmic Love at the Multiverse Hair Salon: https://bookshop.org/a/56337/9780593817483
Not sure where I’m headed next but I’ll catch you up next week!
—Shiri